Tuesday, December 2, 2008

How do you know?

I completely lost it today. By 2:00 pm the bug count was up to 10. I am tired of the disruption this is causing. I am tired of doing at least 6 loads of laundry a day, tired of cleaning everything everyday, tired of inspecting everything I or my kids touch, tired of going on "tours" (as we have affectionately started to call them) to see if there are any bugs around the house. At the finding of the tenth bug, the neighbors starting to blare their music, and telling Matt for the hundredth time to his math, I lost it. I could not hold back the tears any longer. I called Laurie in total frustration. My question to her? How do you know when it is time to quit? Maybe God is telling us our time in Philly is up. Maybe all that we are going through is a sign that it's time to leave. The diabetes would be easier to handle with proper room to exercise and eat better. The stress level would drop dramatically if we were to leave the city. The kids would have the room to run around and get the exercise they need so that they would go to sleep better. Best of all, the bedbugs would not be there.

Needless to say, Laurie talked me through it with her wise words. She understands. She knows how hard it is to live here. She understands the desire to leave the stress and chaos of this life. She was so helpful, like always. She doesn't believe that God is telling us to leave. When rationality set in I believed she was right. It doesn't make any of this easier, but I have to trust that God knows what He is doing and isn't giving more than I can handle, though it sure feels like I am slowly drowning. This is much easier said than done.

On a good note, Frank made it through the 5 hour surgery. They found no physical presence of cancer and the lymph nodes they removed looked good. They were also taking care of a bladder problem, but found none to take care of. He is in a lot of pain, however. Please pray that he would heal quickly and that they would be able to regulate his meds so the pain can be alleviated.

1 comment:

Trish Reed said...

One of the things that I always try and hold on to (notice the word try, haha), is that I don't see any instances of God pushing people toward His will, I only see Him going before them and drawing them to Him (Jesus didn't push Peter our of the boat, He drew him out onto the water, where He already was). So, if and when it is time for you to go, I believe He will go before you and draw you to wherever He has called you...and you will feel peace in that process.

What you are going through right now...well it just sucks and reeks of the enemy. Thankfully, God promises to redeem all of this for His glory. I have no idea how or when, but I know He will!!!

I am still praying for you!!!!