In one word, that is where I am. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. I am tired. I feel like I did 14 1/2 years ago when we moved here to Philly. I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE! When we first moved here it was for a two year internship. Honestly, it was that hope of only being here two years that kept me going. Well, obviously, we decided that God wanted us to stay. So, stay we did. But these past four months have been a struggle for me. July was the car problem which is still unresolved. We have been without a car for two months. August was the water pipe leading to the street costing us over $3000. September was finding out my triglycerides were through the roof and I have type 2 diabetes. This past Monday was finding out a dear friend and co-worker has cancer and what it is doing to their precious family. This past Wednesday was finding out that our neighbors, a COMAR house, is infested with bed bugs. We have since found them in our house. I have spent the past three days washing, cleaning, washing, steaming, washing....you get the picture. COMAR sent an exterminator to the house yesterday and they recommended a full treatment which will cost $1000-$1200. COMAR has not said they would pay for it. COMAR has moved the two women from the house next door and is now gutting the house. This will cause two problems. The bed bugs will no longer be able to hide and they now have no hosts on which to feed. Meaning they will travel to find hosts. Which means they will travel over here where there are five fresh hosts to be had. I am overwhelmed. Even after all the cleaning and steaming (it is the only thing that will kill eggs if they are laid), we still found two live bed bugs. I have heard stories of how difficult they are to get rid of. I am not up for the battle. What if we never get rid of them? I cannot spend 24/7 cleaning and searching for bed bugs.
Homeschooling has already suffered greatly this past week with Matt only getting 5 math lessons and 1 English lesson completed. With all that has been going on his focus has been completely lost. Thankfully, Sarah has managed to keep up. I am at a loss as how to handle everything. I understand God is in control and has a purpose and a plan for all things, but I honestly cannot fathom what purpose and plan there is in having bed bugs. So, there is my life. I keep thinking that many of the above issues would never had happened had we not lived here. I know that my thinking should not be following this path. I know that Satan is getting a good stronghold on my emotions and thinking. I am struggling. I don't know how to pray as I just really want to go home and Philly currently does not feel like home. Please pray for us all as we deal with things. Pray specifically that my heart would be changed and I will once again feel the love and desire to live where God has called us to live.