The other night Andy found Daniel wondering our hall upstairs. When Andy asked what was wrong he simply stated, "I've lost my dream." He always has something very interesting to say. I love his perspective of things. He then came into our bed and snuggled down, holding my hand to sleep. He is my sweetest child. He is a hugger and a hand holder. I'm so glad God gave him to us!
Since that night those words have rung in my ears. I've lost my dream these past two months. My dream of homeschooling well this year. My dream of getting my house in order and organized well enough to have people from ministry come over. My dream of enjoying my family by playing games and reading. My dream of enjoying the holidays with Daniel really remembering this year and being a true little person. Real dreams as I have not been sleeping well. So many others I could list. So many of my dreams, lost. But maybe that is the problem. They were my dreams. Obviously, God had a different dream for me this year. I am just finding it incredibly difficult to accept His dream. I don't know what point and purpose there is to this exercise. Earlier today I went over to the Hinson's and spoke with Frank's mom who is up visiting for the week. She was so funny! She was telling me how this is a test of patience and I have earned that star. She is amazed I am still here. Frankly, so am I. So many days I have wanted to just leave. So many hours I have to physically force myself to stay here. If anyone were to offer me a house - I would be gone! But no one has offered us a house and though every ounce of me wants to leave, my husband does not feel that same urge. So, I stay. I need to learn to accept the dream of my heavenly Father, and put my dreams aside. Please pray with me that I would live His dreams for my life and lose my own to Him.